Late
by ChristinaLoL
Summary: The only way I could express my love is by letting you go, isn't it?
1. Chapter 1

Late

1\. If he knew, would he have turned around without a doubt?

"According to the news, the organisation that the FBI, CIA and the Japanese police are taking down is an enormous organisation of criminals that had targeted people worldwide."

"According to the FBI, even though that many had been injured, but every member of the Black Organisation had been cleared out."

"The high school detectives Kudou Shinichi and Hattori Heiji had been an important part of the investigation."

…

The bright sunlight waked up every corner of the city, the frozen traffic had started moving again, and as the beeping sound of the car horns announced the beginning of a new day, the city of Beika was filled up with life again.

On the busy street, people rushed to their destinations, whether it's work or school. Once in a while, someone would stop and have a look at the news on the big screen on the side of the road, and whisper to the ones next to them, but only for a few minutes at most.

For people that are living their comfortable little lives, they just choose to ignore the danger lurking in the dark.

Even when they're really close.

And of course, they wouldn't notice the boy, who is standing silently in front of the glass window.

Edogawa Conan stood quietly next to the huge, clear glass window, with the large, black glasses covering his eyes, sunlight closed around him, bit by bit, when it shone on him, it looks like as if he doesn't exist in this world.

 _He shouldn't exist_ , Conan thought, hardened his grip on his fist.

He faced the TV screen, the reporter's emotionless voice disrupted his mind again and again. Every word, every phrase, are sharp blades, stabbing into his heart.

He brought down the Black Organisation, he's not in danger every second anymore, but, he'll never be able to change back ever again.

The information about APTX 4869 had been destroyed, what that means, Haibara Ai knows, Hattori Heiji knows, Edogawa Conan knows, too.

Kudou Shinichi, had already died in the last fight. The only person that's left, is Edogawa Conan, a 7-year-old child.

He can never forget, how he felt, when he was told of that. He wasn't surprised, he wasn't furious, didn't say "I can't believe it!", the only thing that came out, was "Ah, okay, I know."

Just that.

When he finished speaking, he felt that an invisible weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He looked up, smiled, and said, "I'm fine."

He can almost see his reflection in his eyes, he knows, he scared Hattori.

The television repeated the news again and again, it's pretty much the same thing, either describing the bravery of the police officers, or how tense the battle with the Black Organisation was.

He suddenly feels like laughing, when he brought down the organisation, it was hard, his life was on the line. But what he didn't realise was that everything else he had was on the line, too, and it's not something he could express through words.

He took a deep breath, took his school bag, slowly, he turned around, and left.

It was already the peak hour in the morning, the street was packed with people, noisy, but flourishing. Under the sunshine, Conan's black glasses reflected the light. He walked in the crowd, passing by many people, that moment, he, a seven-year-old, looked tiny, weary, and, worthless.

He remembered, once, Haibara asked him, how could he be so calm?

He said, I don't know.

 _I_ don't _know_ , what a ridiculous word for a detective to say.

And, when he said those three words, he hid a tint of laughter, half because how ridiculous he sounded, half out of annoyance, and how hopeless he felt.

 _Maybe, it's just that no matter what I do and what I say, I can't actually change anything, so, it's better if I just don't try do anything at all._

He finished that sentence while smiling.

Haibara stared at him for a long time, so long that his smile had already froze by the time she moved her eyes away from him.

She took a sip from her sup of coffee, and said, "Stop with that creepy smile of yours, it looks disgusting."

Even now, on the streets, every time he thought of her words, he still cannot help but trace down his face with his fingers.

Really, he doesn't think that his smile looked bad back then.

Because, he doesn't have any other choices besides accepting the truth, does he?

"You can still choose," Haibara said with her emotionless voice, "between to tell her the truth and deny forever."

He stopped, and when he looked up, he saw, _Teitan High School._

 _To tell her the truth, or deny forever._

 _Ran…Ran…_

Conan's lips moved, muttering the word over and over again, with a voice full of longing, desire, and lots of mixed emotions.

He doesn't know why he is doing this, why his feet carried him here, he only knows, that he just had to see her right now, even it's just a glance from somewhere far, far away, as if that once she's in his sight, all mysteries will be resolved, everything will be all right, and he, will be able to plan out his next move.

He walked passed the buildings, passed the cafeteria, passed his classroom, step by step, he walked passed all his memories, everything seemed like it only happened yesterday, he was still arguing with Ran, so familiar, yet so far away.

As the sound of a soccer game going on on the soccer field, he stopped, but then continued to walk again, until, everything he heard came into his sight.


	2. Chapter 2

2\. What Can I Do, to Make You Happy?

He found her, the moment he looked into the crowd, without breaking a sweat.

Ran's not moving around, she just sat there on the bleachers, leaning onto her hand, while chatting with Sonoko. She smiled, while the warm sunlight shone onto her face, creating a circle which separates her and the others around her, the smooth sunshine on her face spored bit by bit, making her look so astounding and so admirable.

Conan stared, sinking into his thoughts, if it's not because of him tightening his fists, others would think of him as a statue.

" _Kudou, do you regret this?"_

Suddenly, out of the blue, he thought of what Hattori said to him.

Did he regret this? If he says no, he's afraid that he can't even lie to himself with that answer. In fact, he had asked himself that question for countless times, _if he knew these things would happen, would he had turned around without a doubt?_

He never answered to himself for that question.

But just now, while he was staring at her, he suddenly realised, _yes, yes he would._

Just because he is a detective, looking for crimes, solving them, are all a part of his job. If he really did throw away the job he had always loved and always will just for Ran, that kind of love, even Ran might not accept it.

And, if he really did that, he probably won't be able to accept it himself.

None of them are people who lives in a love story. They live in this world, have their own responsibilities, and it's not just protecting each other, and not caring about anything else. That kind of relationship, will not last forever.

 _It's just,_ Conan thought, _if he can go back in time, he…he just doesn't want to lose her again._

He took a deep breath, not taking his eyes of her, whom is running freely on the school grounds.

 _Ran…_

 _Ran…_ what _can I do, to make you happy?_

Unexpectedly, the owner of a pair of clear, sapphire eyes turned around, facing his direction, as if she's searching for something. Just when they were about to meet eye to eye, he hid away as quickly as he can behind an old tree, that moment, time must have frozen.

On the other side of the tree trunk, the sound of the game continually to approach him from behind, and from time to time, he could hear the sound of the sharp whistles.

The sun is not almost as big in the morning then at noon, under the tree, the sunlight left pieces of traces that it has been here. Conan took off his glasses, as his crystal clear sky blue orbs concentrated on the ground, he could almost feel that the atmosphere around him was starting to fill up with sighs.

 **Author's note: Sorry to anyone who is reading this chapter if this one is too short. This chapter was supposed to be a part of chapter one but I don't know why it disappeared when I uploaded the first chapter. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it!**


	3. Chapter 3

3\. After All These Years, Edogawa Conan Can Still Remember the Memory of Pain.

 _What is like?_

A long time after, when Edogawa Conan thought of this question, he still thinks that he did not understand it clearly.

In the society today, the words _like and love_ are everywhere, in order to respond to the speed of life nowadays, relationship became stuff like fast food, there was a famous saying, _I don't want everlasting love, I just wish to have you for once._

But, still, even though that fast food relationships already became some kind of "trend", long relationships still exist.

And that, is love.

And, it's also why Edogawa Conan believes that, he loves Mouri Ran, Kudou Shinichi loves Mouri Ran.

Even if he once cut the red thread that connects himself.

After he left Teitan High School, he went straight to Professor Agasa's house.

The weather in summer, is as unpredictable as can be. The last minute the sun was still shining in the sky, and now, clouds had covered up the sky completely. When the raven coloured clouds lined up side by side in the sky, the angry voice of the god came out as roaring thunder, shaking the ground like there's an earthquake, making people on the street shiver with fear.

Because of the need to finish off the work after they took down the Black Organisation, Hattori Heiji didn't go back to Osaka just yet, and instead, stayed back in Beika.

And just for convenience, he stayed at Professor Agasa's house.

As the rain poured down from the sky, the rain drops smashed onto the ground, making splashing sounds of infinity.

When Prof Agasa heard the doorbell of his very own house ran, it was when the storm was the biggest. The moment he opened the door, he saw a person, dripping rain water, and was wet from the inside to the outside because of the rain.

"Shinichi?" The professor almost froze, when he saw Conan standing in the rain, then he realised, "Why did you go into the rain? I have to get you dried up quickly…" And he hurriedly went to find a towel.

Conan kept silent, and walked in.

"Skueeeeeaaak…" Hattori Heiji looked up from the computer as he heard the sound of the door open.

"Kudou…you…" Heiji stood up, wanting to ask him about something.

Then, suddenly, a strike of lightning slashed through the sky, the frightening light brightened the whole room, and for the step Hattori Heiji was about to make, stop as soon as that happened. Because, through the white lightning, he could see that, Conan's sapphire blue orbs, is now filled with lots of mixed emotions.

What kind of emotion is that? Hattori Heiji doesn't know, but, even after a long time, when he thought of the look in his eyes, just for a moment, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

He stood silently at the door, not saying anything, not moving in any ways. His eyes, were locked onto Heiji, through his emerald orbs, he can see his reflection, which is dripping wet from the storm.

Outside the window, the rain smashed onto the window sill, making millions and trillions of "pitter patter" sounds, compared to the pregnant silence in the room, it sounded especially loud.

 _Even after a long time, Edogawa Conan can still remember the sounds of the rain._

 _Even after a long time, Edogawa Conan can still remember the memory of pain._

Being the first one to break the tense atmosphere between them, Hattori Heiji sighed, and said, "Have you decided yet, Kudou?"

"Yeah," He looked up, "I have."

As the clouds in the sky got darker and darker, in the room without any lights on, was filled up with air full of tension.

Hattori Heiji, who is now standing next to the desk, thought for a bit, and said, "Don't worry, Kudou, I'm sure we can…"

 _Kudou, I'm sure we can find a perfect solution._

But, when he was half way through the sentence, he stopped, and never continued.

When Kudou Shinichi decides on something, he does not change it, Heiji knows that better than anyone. Also, "a perfect solution"? Even he himself feels ridiculous saying that word.

Nothing in this world is perfect, which means, you can't get a perfect solution for everything. For example, Mouri Ran waiting for Kudou Shinichi to come back endlessly; for example, the death of Kudou Shinichi; for example, how their love towards each other were never shown to each other.

If not because of how well he knows, Kudou Shinichi, Hattori Heiji would not be able to see, that, behind those calm, blue sapphire eyes, were waves of rage, sadness, and loneliness.

His height was no taller than any other first grade student, but, on top of his shoulders, he's carrying far more than he could and he should, and yet he still has to.

Receiving a sudden weight on his shoulder, Conan looked up, and saw Heiji's sophisticated eyes staring down at him.

"I know," He pulled out the best smile he could, "I'll manage everything, including 'Kudou Shinichi's' funeral."

"Thanks." He said, when the words came out of his mouth, he looked like he used every bit of his energy to do that. He looked down, letting his glasses slid over his eyes and block his vision, not letting Heiji see his face.

 _He doesn't need to._ He knows, what it feels like, when you gave up everything with your own hands.

"Won't you regret this?" A voice came from behind.

He knew clearly who it is, without turning around.

The rain had stopped; the storm earlier had already turned into pretty sunshines.

"I don't know, Haibara," The sunlight shone on him, stretching out his shadow, "but, I want her to be happy."

 _I want her to be happy._

 _Even if the person that'll be standing by her side, won't be me anymore._


	4. Chapter 4

4\. No more "Detective of the West" or the "Detective of the East

It was just a normal sunny day like every other day. There were all kinds of people on the street, laughing and smiling while walking home, and Edogawa Conan was walking through the endless crowd with his school bag in his hands.

As the sun sank down to the western side of the sky, the clouds were dyed with pink, coral, and indigo, making people feel like as if they had rose to heaven.

Right now, a teenager name Edogawa Conan, with short, raven coloured hair, and sky blue sapphire eyes. And if you look closely enough, you would be able to see the shadow of a young, conceited Tokyoite meitantei. The only thing that makes them look different, is the pair of black glasses which is currently sitting on his nose bridge.

As time passed by, days turned into months, months turned into years. With a blink of an eye, 6 years passed, and now, he is no more of a 7-year-old child.

You heard me right. Even though the APTX 4869 has the power to send a person ten years backwards, making him reliving his childhood again, it could not reverse time. As months and years passed by, Conan and Ai grew like all the other kids.

He raised his hand, through the circles of the remaining sunshine, he could see birds soaring through the sky, leaving flame like traces behind them.

He looked at his hand, which reminds him that he is no longer a child anymore. He sighed, _it's already been 6 years, since that incident._

"Conan!" The voice came from behind him, from far, to near. He turned around, and saw three members of the Shounen Tantei running towards him, and Haibara Ai, who still has quite a distance to cover to get to him.

Ayumi stopped in front of Conan, tried to stop her heavy breathing from running earlier, and then said, "Conan! Why didn't you go to the detective club today?"

With her chestnut brown hair which stopped at her shoulder, her fluffy fringe as a decoration made her beauty even more stand out, and from her smiling eyes, sunshine spread out, and decorated her aura with a tint of friendliness. After all these years, Ayumi had grown more and more feminine and more attractive.

Behind her, it was Genta and Mitsuhiko. Compared to their childhood, they haven't changed much at all. Genta is still has a round and bellyful body shape and still takes a special liking towards ell rice, and Mitsuhiko, still has bits of pimples here and there, looking slightly more mature than some of the other kids his age.

"About today…" Conan stopped for a bit, trying to think up an excuse. But, his thoughts were interrupted by a sleepy, emotionless voice.

"It probably have something to do with his 'Ran nee-chan'"

Haibara Ai stood behind the rest of his friends, crossed her arms, and said with half-moon-shaped eyes.

If time gave Ayumi a tint of cuteness and friendliness, then it definitely gave Haibara more coolness and, maybe even less time to sleep. To him, Haibara Ai had grown into the 'Miyano Shiho' of his memories, including her expression of always not having enough sleep, and…um, looking as if she was trying to pick a fight with someone, and, of course, irregular teasing from time to time.

"Is it true, Conan?" Genta said loudly, he is still like that, haven't changed a bit.

"Uh…yes. Ran nee-chan asked me to by ssome beef for her," Conan nodded apologetically, "on the other hand, how did you find me so quickly?"

"What do you think?!" Said Mitsuhiko, while secretly pointing out that Ayumi was the one that drag them here.

Jealousy.

Under the glares of jealousy from the other two boys next to him, Conan sighed, and shook his head.

He walked along with the other four, all ears to Ayumi, Genta, and Mitsuhiko, and smiled from time to time, as he bathed under the soft sunlight of the evening.

Looking at him, Ayumi almost felt…unreal.

Ever since 6 years ago, Conan had changed.

He was still kind and caring, still loved deducting and mysteries, but, she just have this feeling, _he's not the same anymore._

Once in every while, in his eyes, she would be able to see sadness, and loneliness, so deep that it can't be ignored, even when he's smiling.

And, it would pass in the matter of seconds.

So quick, that it made her think it's just her, seeing things.

"The famous detective, Hattori Heiji had solved another mystery that seemed almost impossible to solve…" In the big screen on the side of the road, the reporter reported the newest news with her special voice.

Looking at Hattori Heiji's bright, youthful smile on the big screen, the three members of the Shounen Tantei had developed dreamy expressions on their faces.

"Heiji onii-san is awesome!"

"Yeah… he already became famous all throughout the country, and he could solve cases that the police can't without breaking a sweat!"

"There was a famous saying 'Hattori of the west, and Kudou of the east…"

"Genta!" "Genta kun!"

The said person froze right on the spot, leaving him with his mouth wide open.

They turned around, only to find Conan smiling, and nodded, "It's quite late, I should get going." And as he finished his sentence, he turned around and walked away.

The evening sun in the sky, separated day and night the moment it kissed the ground, and bits and pieces of starlight covered the night sky, merged with the remaining orange-pinkish colour left I the sky.

 _Yeah…_

 _There was no more of "Detective of the West" or the "Detective of the East"._

 _Ever since the moment Kudou Shinichi "died"._


	5. Chapter 5

5\. If Shinichi's Still Here, I Think He Would've Wanted Me to Do This Too

"I'm home!" Conan closed the door, took off his shoes, and walked straight into the kitchen.

 _Right now, she's probably preparing dinner,_ Conan thought, as he opened the kitchen door.

The moment he saw that familiar figure from behind, it felt as if he melted of the warm atmosphere of that homey feeling.

Every corner of the kitchen was filled with the smell of Ran's delicious cooking.

"You're back?" Mouri Ran turned the fish in the frying pan over, and looked at him.

She was wearing a pink apron, without any makeup, when she smiled, she looked as fresh as the cool breeze in spring, and at the same time, soft and caring.

"Yeah." Conan nodded, and put down the groceries he bought on the kitchen bench.

She also, had put down everything in her hand, ruffled his hair, "Thank you, Conan-kun." After all these years, it already became something she'd do out of habit.

He didn't move away, but let her do whatever she wanted, just like she always did. When she was close, he could smell her scent, it's not very strong, but it went straight into his heart.

"You should go change your clothes, Conan-kun. You could come down to have dinner later."

"Ah…Okay."

When he was turned around to close the door, he looked at her, again. Her skinny, but firm and strong figure.

These kinds of conversations, happens every day.

He likes living like this, she's _his_ _Ran nee-chan_ , he's her _Conan-kun_.

And, he can see her smile, too.

He _really_ likes living like this.

 _Time didn't heal the wound, but it did hide away the memories._

But, he won't be able to forget, what she was like, when she heard that, Kudou Shinichi had "died".

He won't be able to forget, no matter what.

She didn't cry, she didn't talk. She just stood there, as if that the whole world has nothing to do with her. But in her eyes, he saw, the girl, who is helpless, lonely, and broken hearted. Even now, he still remembers that look.

How deep is that wound, to be able to make her feel that hopeless, he doesn't know.

What he does know, is the feeling he felt when he saw her like that.

And it stayed for six years.

He would often dream of it, and it left him breathless.

He thought, it would be hard for Ran to recover from that shock, but after two days, her smile bloomed like a flower, again. She looked just like her normal self.

He remembers asking her, why.

And she said, for the people we love, they can't stay be our side forever, but they could always stay in our hearts.

She said, in my world, there's not just Shinichi, there's also other people who loves me, there's Oka-san and Otou-san, there's Kazuha-chan and Sonoko, and there's you, Conan.

She said, I can't stop living just because Shinichi' not here. Because, all these years, loneliness and heart breaks, are not the only things he brought me.

She said, if Shinichi's still here, he probably would've wanted me to stay strong, too.

When she talked, she was smiling.

But, her tears, trickled down her face uncontrollablelike crystal beads, and dropped onto his hand.

The burning feeling hurt him, made him wanted to take back his hand.

He should've said something, but he didn't. Not even some comforting words.

 _He can't._

 _Looking at her like that, listening to her like that, what_ _ **can**_ _he say? He doesn't have the right to say anything._

 _I will do anything, just to make you happy._

 _Ran, can you hear me?_

"That brat is back already?" The sudden voice that came from the doorway dragged Conan out of his thoughts.

He knows, it must be Ojji-san. Right now, he's probably getting himself a can of beer.

Conan put down his school uniform, when he was about to open the door, he heard Ran's complains, just as usual.

"Otou-san, didn't I tell you not to drink alcohol right after you come back from work?"  
After 6 years, he knows everyone's habits by heart.

"But, Ran! I've been working all day long, just one sip!"

"No."  
"Ran, since when did you become so cruel?!"  
When he walked out of the room, what he just happened to have seen, was Ojji-san begging Ran. Things like this, happens every day, although it's usually him who tries to stop him from drinking.

"You're lying, Ojji-san." Conan smiled.

The two in the kitchen froze right on the spot.

"Oi, what did you say, you brat?"

Ignoring the death glares coming from Kogoro, he raised his eyebrows, and had a good look at him. "Ojji-san, as you can see, on the end of your pants, there's no dirt or dust at all, which proves that you did not even step out of the door, and stayed in some kind of room instead; also, the bottom of your pants is quite crumbled, which means you sat down for most of the time; and lastly, on the tissue paper sticking out of your pocket, it says "Rainbow Pub", and as far as I know, it's a bar near Egota High School."

The more he said, the paler Mouri Kogoro's face turned. And in the end, the classic red angry mark can be seen clearly on his face.

"So, Ojji-san, I suppose you won't need me to explain what you've been doing today."

He flashed a very pure, childlike, and innocent smile just as he finished off his deduction.

"Yeah, Otoui-san! Whatever Conan-kun said." Ran took the chance to snatch away the can of beer in Kogoro's hands, "Pleas, Otou-san."

And, it ended with Kogoro not talking to him until dinner. But he did roll his eyes at him, for more than once.

 _Looks like I just ruined his good mood :),_ he thought, as he ate.

This kind of situations, he's used to it already.

"Eh, Ran nee-chan, you came back so early today." He turned away from the angry glares coming from a certain someone, and looked at Ran, " You finished the things in the hospital?"

She looked like she's in a good mood. Actually, for these 6 years, he rarely saw her in a bad mood.

"Yeah, it's not everyday I can finish early, so, I came back earlier.

Right now, Mouri Ran is learning to be a doctor in a hospital, after she earned the master's degree. At most times of the day, she would usually stay in the hospital to help with the surgeries, organizes the patients files, and working extra hours every now and then. She said, it's something I should do.

Conan had been to the hospital to pay her a visit before, but she was so busy that she barely had time to talk to him when he was there.

 _Why did you choose it, you were so afraid of things like dead bodies and blood,_ he remembers his seven-year-old self asking.

Because, I've always wanted to be a doctor, that way, when Shinichi gets hurt, I can at least do something.

He realised.

 _They're all the same._

All these years, they been through so much. And those memories, had always been wandering around that wound, once it's been remembered, it hurts you like hell, and it stays there.

He continued to eat, her voice rang like bells through his head, and his lips uncontrollably curled upwards.

 _Ran, if thinking about those things gives you negative feeling, than don't ever think about it again._

 _Never ever again._


	6. Chapter 6

6\. Conan, you've started to look more and more like Shinichi

As the indigo coloured curtains of the night started to close, the cars on the streets flashed their headlights, a sign which belongs to the modern cities, which represents the liveliness of the flourishing city of Beika, at night.

Conan took the washed bowls and dishes from Ran, and put them into the cabinets.

It's usually him who does the washing up after dinner, but Ran insisted that he could leave it to her, since it's not every day Ran's able to get home so early. Though he originally wanted her to have a good rest, but even he can't deal with her stubbornness. In the end, he can only help her with the little things, and hoping her won't be too tired.

They were both doing their jobs quietly. The whole kitchen was filled with the sound of the flowing water, and the dishes clinking softly. It's no more than other stuff that they do daily, but it's enough to make him satisfied.

"Ran~~, another glass~~" Outside the kitchen, Mouri Kogoro's yell interrupted the silence.

"Otou-san!" Ran handed the last dish to Conan, closed the tap, "You already drank so much!"

"Yoko-chan!" The exclaim in the living room made it clear that he did not pay attention to one word she said.

Looking at the famous "Sleeping Kogoro", as his daughter, Ran face palmed herself once again.

"Say, Ojji-san's always been a big fan for Yoko-san, that lasted for a long time." He handed her a towel, to tell her to dry her hands.

Ran took his hand in her small palms, after she dried her hands, and dried his hands carefully. "Everyone has something that they do all through their lives, we're humans after all."

He stood quietly, letting her do what she wants. After all these years, he slowly started to regain his height once again, now, he's almost the same height with Ran. When she looked down at his hand, he could smell the faint scent of orchid coming from her, and her slightly cool hands wrap around his, he enjoyed it.

For just one second, he seemed to have lost himself in his thoughts.

"Conan-kun."

"Hmh…hmh?" He broke away from his own little world, "Something wrong? Ran nee-chan?"

"Your deduction earlier was brilliant, Conan-kun."  
"Uh…" Not knowing how to reply to the sudden compliment, out of habit, he pretended to push his glasses upwards, "Actually, it's just a very small deduction."

"You need to learn to be less confident, even though it was a really good deduction." Her voice, was so loving and caring, just like the tone of how a big sister talks to her little brother.

"Hehehe…"

"But," She was going to give him a flick, but in the end, the hand rested comfortably on his forehead, "Conan, you've started to look more and more like Shinichi.

Her dark violet orbs smiled, they were only about five centimetres away from him.

He stared at her, as if time had stopped. Through her eyes, he could see his own reflection clearly, but, deep down in those pools of indigo, he could see the perfectly, well-hidden pain.

Even if Ran said she's gotten over it already, even if he decided to never tell her the truth, but, whenever the name of "Kudou Shinichi" is mentioned, it still hurts for him.

It still hurts for both of them, and he knows it.

But let me tell you something else that hasn't changed, it's that because they both know that they would never stop moving on just because of each other.

They just continued to do what they should do, what they need to do, what they do in order to be human.

 _But, Ran, if it hurts that much, why think about it._

 _When it's obvious that "Kudou Shinichi" wishes happiness for you more than anyone._

 _More than anyone in this mortal world._

"Though," Ran suddenly pulled her hand back, and poked her tongue out at him cheekily, "Conan is way better at Shinichi at both deducting and controlling temper."

She turned around, "When Shinichi was in middle school, he wasn't almost as good as Conan-kun. And he is way too conceited, I don't even know where to start with when it comes to his bad habits."

"And anyway, Conan-kun's much more popular when it comes to the girls."  
She walked towards the living room unconsciously, while mumbling to herself. When she was almost out of the kitchen, she turned and smiled. Her long, straight black hair flowed in the air when she did so.

"Ne, Conan-kun, let's watch the TV later."

"Hai…"

He answered, but his feet don't seem to be moving.

Ran was already out of the kitchen, and was scolding Ojji-san again. She kept bringing up how drinking damages his body, but, he doesn't seem to be listening, and that forced some scientific facts out of Ran's throat.

Ran's voice, sounded so soft, so familiar, so… right.

No idea why, but he already found himself smiling at the scene.

He could still smell her in the kitchen, the smell of orchid.

Step by step, he walked to where she is, surrounded by the smell of her.

 _They live like this, day after day, even though the most important people in their lives are gone._

 ** _Author's Note: Sorry I haven't update much recently, unfortunately, it's exam week for me. I had to study for all kinds of tests even though, in the end, I ended up studying too much and the tests being too easy. I also had two assessments due in one day, so please forgive me. And, is there anyone living in the southern hemisphere? It's been freezing these days for me. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it! :) :)_**


	7. Chapter 7

7\. Don't want to accept any other girl other than her

 _But, I still can't let go, not now anyway._

"Conan? Oi! Conan!"  
"Huh?"

His eyes went back to Mistuhiko from outside the window.

And the said person, happened to be right in front of him, with his hands supporting his head from falling onto the desk, and looking quite annoyed.

"… What happened?" He tilted his head a little bit, looking as innocent as can be.

"What happened?!" Mistuhiko face palmed himself, totally defeated, "Did you not listened to anything I was saying, at all?!"

"Sorry, I was spacing out just then." He said while shaking his head apologetically.

"Whatever…" Mistuhiko scratched his head, and pulled over another chair for him to sit down. "Anyways, I heard that a new girl transferred to the class next door, and she was rumoured to be really cute!  
"… Really?" Believe me, he really tried to make himself sound interested, really, he did.

"I've heard too; she was also said to be very hot!" Genta seemed to have popped out of nowhere, and patted Mistuhiko's shoulder in agreement.

"You see now." He raised his eyebrows, and budged him with his elbow, "Don't try to pretend that you're not interested."

He just sat there, watching those two talking exultantly, not bothering to say a word.

As they grew up, the topic about girls appeared more and more constantly in the boys' conversation. When those two meet up, what they talk about, enlarged from just detective stuff and soccer, to a wider range involving things like "which girl is pretty", "which girl is actually not as cute as Ayumi" and "which girl is even colder than Haibara" and lots of other things.

But, towards those kind of things, he usually just keeps silent about them. He doesn't seem interested, and doesn't even comment about it, and because of that, he is said to be "special". Well, only by Genta and Mistuhiko anyway.

Well, it's true that he doesn't really like to talk about those things like dating, girls, that sort of stuff, he can't even imagine himself in any kind of situation like that. Even though he does receive a lot of love letters and confessions, rejections and apologies, are the only things he's willing to give in return.

He looked out the window, again. The seven shades of the light had reached the classroom floor, it looked as if it could be caught just by him, reaching out his hand.

If he was still the Kudou Shinichi from long ago, he might have been at least a little bit proud of himself. But now, he's Edogawa Conan, he is no longer the person he was anymore.

And there was only one reason.

 _Ran._

"Whack—" When Genta and Mistuhiko were right in the middle of their conversation, suddenly, a book came flying towards them, and it just happened to have landed on Mistuhiko's face.

And that sends Mistuhiko crying out loud for nose, it even gave him an equally big shock, a shock big enough to make him to focus on Mistuhiko again.

"Owwwwww!" Just when the targeted person is about to make a comeback at the books owner, when he saw who it was, the protest made its way back down his throat.

"You guys! Didn't I told you not to discuss these silly topics with Conan-kun?" Ayumi showed her annoyance in her words and movement very well, as she had her hands on her hips.

Genta murmured unhappily, "What are you calling 'silly'…"

"Yeah, and anyways, it's you who've grown to be more and more violent…"

"What did you say?!"

"U-uh, nothing, hehe." Reaching out to protect his poor nose, Mistuhiko looked like he was sweating bullets, while winking desperately to Conan.

Having received the signal, he hurried to start a new conversation, "Ne, what brings you here, Ayumi-chan?"  
He barely finished his sentence, and a huge stack of books already landed in front of him.

And a pregnant silence fell due to the second shock of the day stuck right onto the three boys' faces.

He pretended to push his glasses up out of habit, as their attentions turned to Haibara Ai, who just came in.

She still looks half awake and calm like she always is, as she stared down at him.

"Did all of you just forgot about it?" Ayumi said unbelievably, as the angry expression plastered onto her face once again. "About the act we're supposed to be performing for the upcoming festival?"


	8. Chapter 8

8\. Preperations

"Ahh, I forgot all about the school festival." Those words which came out from Genta's mouth, were exactly what the other two boys were thinking.

Mistuhiko stared at the huge stack of documents next to him blankly, but his eyes soon drifted onto the tea-coloured haired girl. "W-what are those?"

"Nothing. Just a few documents about the past activities that had been held for the school festivals."

"Ehh?!"

Looking at the boys' twitching eyebrows and that don't-look-at-me-it's-no-big-deal aura around Ai-chan, Ayumi finally stepped out into the open and continued, "What Ai-chan meant was that because all the senior students of the school have to prepare for the final exam, the job of thinking up events and holding the school festivals are all up to the junior students who just came to the school and don't have a lot of schoolwork."

"Which means,", And all the words were summed up by Conan, who had stayed silently for quite a bit. "it's all up to us.

"Yep, so, ideas anyone?"

Mistuhiko pretended to have a brief look at all the papers, and hesitated to speak, "Actually, if there's already so many examples, what about we just use one of them instead?"  
"That is absolutely a no!" As expected, it was a rejection from Ayumi, "It's the first time we'll ever be a part of the school fest. How can we possibly just do something like that?!"

"Then, what about holding a cafeteria? We could sell eel rice."

"Genta-kun really can't do anything without eating, huh."

"Again, no!" We're the detective club, shouldn't we do something related to deducting and mysteries?"

"Ne, what about you, Ai-chan?"

"Anything's fine." There were no ripples in the deep ocean of teal in the eyes of the girl named Haibara Ai, who was leaning against the whole time.

Already used to the freezing aura that's always around Ai-chan, Ayumi turned to Conan. "What about you, Conan-kun?"  
"E-eh, me?" Not expecting the sudden question, he just answered out of habit, "Umn, anything's…"

Or at least, he planned to.

"Anything's _fine_?" He could already feel the death glare from Ayumi's direction.

While sweating bullets, he came up with an idea as soon as possible. "What I really want to say, is that we could just think up our own ideas for today, and we could decide tomorrow together instead. Do you think that'll be okay?"

 _Seriously, why do women get more and more grumpy as their age increases?_

 _There was Ran from then, and Ayumi now._

 _Do girls grow up eating bullets and knives?_

He sighed, but was again shocked, by the meaningful glare coming from Haibara.

"Then it's settled! Let's go home now class is finished." Not giving the boys a single chance to speak, Ayumi left dragging Ai.

And right after the door slammed behind her, two sighs followed.

"Seriously, Ayumi's been so worked up lately…" Grumbled Mistuhiko while packing his bags.

Genta shook his head and joined the complaint, "Yeah, she used to be so nice and cute…"  
"Okay, okay…" He hurried them from the doorway, "Let's go already."

At that time of the day, the sun is already halfway to bed. The five teenagers walked among the golden sunlight, on their way home.

 **Authors blabber: I am sooooooooooooo sorry that I haven't update in like, two weeks. My parents made a really big fuss over the results of my finals, and it was really stressing for me lately. By the way, do any of you mind telling me what the anime Fairy Tail is all about? I haven't actually watched a lot of series of anime and I've heard that it's really good. Anyways, hope you liked it!**


	9. Chapter 9

9\. Faster, just a little bit faster. I want to see you as soon as possible.

By the time he arrived back at the Mouri Detective Agency, he could only see the edges of the sun spreading out yellow rings in the sapphire blue sky.

It was a really nice kind of blue turned indigo, like her eyes.

He could already hear ojii-san and Kisaki Sensei arguing when he reached the bottom of the stairs _. Why isn't Ran there to stop them today_ , he wondered.

He pushed the door open just to find the mid-aged couple head to head with piercing eyes arguing with each other, _as expected_.

"I'm home." He went straight into the kitchen, helping himself with a bottle of ice coffee, totally ignoring the fact that Ran's gone and her mum is here instead.

Then realisation hit him.

 _Ran's gone?_

"Ojii-san, where is Ran nee-chan?" He poked half a head out into the living room, but couldn't help but laugh at the scene.

Really, he meant to be serious. He was really worried for one minute there.

But still, watching Kisaki sensei trying to pull out Kogoro ojii-san's hair with one hand on his face is absolutely hilarious.

"Ah, Conan-kun. Ran's taking over a shift for one of her colleagues over in the hospital, so I'll be in charge of you twos' dinner tonight."

The expression the female lawyer showed that she was just talking about some casual matter, nothing big like death caused by food poisoning.

Those words left the middle-aged man who was still energetic and ready to fight a minute ago stunned as if he just got struck by a streak of lightning, and even though the teenage boy couldn't care less about what he eats, his body is already reacting to the formation of escaping.

 _Holmes did say the brain works best on an empty stomach._

 _And who would want to risk their lives by eating Eri oba-san's cooking?!  
_ Hunger or pathetic death, he chooses the former.

And out he went, "I'm staying at Prof Agasa's for the night."

He wandered loosely on the street.

It was already filled up with neon lights and LED billboards. The city itself, is already bright enough to outshine any stars in the night sky.

He thought about her. If she had a good day or not, if she was already exhausted, if she had already came home.

A smile tugged at his lips, wishing her to come home quicker, so he doesn't have to suffer from Kisaki sensei's deadly dishes.

As for him in the meantime, he'll just take a walk to wherever he feels like going, since he doesn't really have anywhere to go.

It was already around six, but he could still see teenagers on the street wandering around.

Girls and boys in their ages when they're like birds who just learned to fly. So energetic, so eager to look around the world.

It's supposed to be the best time of his life, but relive it is the last thing he would possibly want to do.

"Hey, Rei! You didn't wait for me after school." The girl huffed at the boy who she just caught up with.

The said boy swung his school bag upon his shoulder, "That's because you're too slow!"

He just stared.

As the walls around those memories starts to crumble down into dusts and ashes.

He could almost see the shadow of them, fourteen years ago, when they were both just teenagers who live lives as carefree as can be.

He wants to forget those memories so badly, but it's the only thing he can cherish. The only thing, that he relies on to live.

By the time he regained consciousness, the couple was already nowhere to be seen.

They disappeared like a puff of smoke. As if it was just his imagination.

It seems, as if only yesterday, he was smiling with her under the fountain in Tropical Land.

His lips tugged, his heart full of bittersweet.

He wanted to look at the stars, the lights. But all he could do was hung his head lifelessly against his shoulder.

 _Kudo Shinichi, already left. Edogawa Conan, not anymore._

 _All that's left, is him. Living namelessly, without a soul._

He wandered down the sidewalk, merging himself into the crowds.

He ignored the noise, he people.

He wants to live like a normal boy, but to only find himself not having the energy to even lift a finger or open his mouth to cry, as he sunk deeper into the swamp called the past.

He didn't even realise when it became so late.

He turned on his phone, with millions of text messages and missed calls from Ran.

He dialled the number so familiar he could never forget it.

"Moshi moshi?"

"Ran nee-chan, it's me, Conan."

"Conan-kun! Where are you? You shouldn't be wandering around outside at this time of the day."

"Sorry, I'll come home right now."

He didn't bother to even end the call, and yet his feet already started moving.

And steps turned into walking, walking turned into running.

 _Faster, just a little bit faster._

 _I want to see your face as soon as possible._

 _I want to see, the face that never stops smiling._


	10. Chapter 10

10\. Aren't you tired, Edogawa-kun?

He definitely shouldn't have done it.

Could you imagine? Ever after they brainstormed ideas for the school festival, and they decided to just go with whatever he thought up, the researches and all the hard works are up to him now.

Well, it's not like they, the real thirteen-year-olds could think up any better ideas.

" _You're talking like you're not a thirteen-year-old."_

" _Of course I'm-"_

He almost said those words aloud at that moment, but of course he won't and he couldn't say, the fact that he's actually Kudo Shinichi who's twenty-three by now.

And anyways, even if he did tell everyone that he shrunk, would anyone actually believe him? Even if he did tell, what's going to change, will he return to his old form again.

The answer is no.

No one will be able to experience what he's been through, no one can feel the loneliness deep down in his heart.

 _It all belongs to Edogawa Conan, only._

"Ne, Edogawa-kun, you've been looking busy recently. Is it because of the school festival?"

"What else do you think could it be?" His annoyance had always entertained her well.

 _That Haibara, with her usual cold aura._

He doubts he'll ever able to deal with that cold blooded woman.

"Thinking about asking me for help?"

"There's no need for that." His eyebrows twitched, "I wouldn't even need to break a sweat."

"So full of yourself, just like usual."

"Thanks for the compliment."

The proof's right in front of them, of how he's not making up lies. After all, he did collect the most information and calculated the pros and cons for the plan, in such a short time.

"Say, you're not working hard just because of the school festival, right?"

She sounded like she's sure of his answer even though the sentence ended with a question mark.

He nodded, "Ran said she'll be coming to have a look."

"Thought so." Haibara Ai turned around and walked away with that calming expression of hers, though not without the daily amount of teasing.

"Working so hard just for her, it really is something you'd do, Meitantei."

For some reason, her back and her tea-coloured hair swiftly swinging in the air looked especially lonely hat day.

"Huh?"

Did she just insult him or something?

He shook the idea out of his head, packed up, and went home.

* * *

"Conan-kun."

He swung his head around, with eyes hoping to find the owner of the familiar soft voice.

"Ran-"

When he turned around, _nee-chan_ stuck in his throat like glue, not coming out of his lips, not going down with the lump in his neck.

She stood in front of her with the sweet smile she always has on her face, looking at him.

And next to him, stood a man who is also staring at him with his amber eyes.

He is about half a head taller then Ran, has smooth cheek bones and tanned skin under the slightly messy inky-black hair.

"Ran nee-chan, he is…?"

There was an uncomforting feeling in his stomach.

"Hi," The man spoke first. His voice is deep like the rumbling thunder in summer, but soothing and less frightening. "I am Akatsuki Kazuki. I work in the same hospital as Ran, you could count me as her collegue."

"Not _just_ a collegue." She sounded like she was scolding him, but her eyes smiled in a way they were almost sparkling, an expression she hasn't had for a long time. "Despite his young age, he's already quite a respected doctor. Unlike me who's still studying."

She didn't hide the adoring tone of hers, and ended the sentence with a pout.

He couldn't control that feeling.

 _Why, he called you Ran, not Mouri?_

 _Why did you bring him without warning?_

 _Why are you so close?_

 _Are you in a relationship? Does he… like you?_

He had a million questions in his mind.

But he decided to hide it.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Edogawa Conan."

He still has that polite smile on, "I hears often from Ran about you, now I finally got to see you in person."

He thinks, he knows the answers to his questions now.

Those amber orbs, let out a loving gaze way too strong and passionate for people to ignore. If even he had realised, then Ran must had already.

 _She knows, he likes her._

 _And she's not avoiding it._

Just for a split second, he felt so jealous that he felt like he was literally burning up.

And after what felt like a million years for him, he brought himself to ask about the forbidden area deep down in him.

"Ne, Akatsuki-san, are you dating Ran nee-chan?" He counted himself lucky that he spoke without raging and tears down his face.

He wished the answer is not what he's expecting.

"Well, it's up to you."

He was right, it wasn't what he was expecting.

But not in the good way.

"Conan-kun, you're almost like a brother to Ran, a really important person." He paused, sunken into thoughts, and then said, "I will take good care of Ran, do you trust me?"

 _Do you trust me?_

 _Is this an international joke or something?!_

 _Do you think you're good enough for her?_

 _How long have you known her? Ten years? Twenty years?_

 _Do you think you know her well enough? The Ran who puts on her brave face for other people's sake, the Ran who has to lock her inner self who still hasn't walked out of the shadow of her best friend's death away, do you know that?_

He clenched his fist inside his pockets, with his knuckled turned so white and lifeless.

 _More importantly, Ran, do you like him?_

He breathed in, he breathed out.

"If it can make Ran nee-chan happy, of course I'll... I'll"


	11. Chapter 11

11\. He wants to move on, but he doesn't want to forget

" _If it can make Ran nee-chan happy, I'll… I'll"_

"May I borrow Edogawa-kun for a bit?"

The tea coloured haired girl showed up at the most unexpected time, but it could've turned out worse if she didn't.

Like, he trying to speak and smile when his own words sound more ridiculous than any childish fairy tale he had ever heard.

Like, the last word coming out of him more like a whimper.

He was lucky she dragged him away from the scene.

He followed Haibara obediently out of the agency. Though it's not like he could do anything else with her hand locked around his wrist.

"Oi, Haibara!" Seriously, he never knew she had so much power in her, being a girl and all.

They were already by the gate of Prof Agasa's house by the time she stopped in her tracks.

"You love her, don't you?" He never saw she in such state, flustered, completely lost her cool, for something other than the organisation.

And also, he didn't expect that coming.

The boy couldn't help but tense at the words, and how she saw through him just like that.

He hung his head low, looked sunken into thoughts. But his fists clenched again, knuckles white as sheets.

"Yeah, I do. I love her more than anything else in this worlds."

"Then what's stopping you, from doing that?" She now looks more furious than ever, "The organisation isn't in the way anymore."

He kept silent.

"Tell me! What's stopping you from doing that? I didn't help you bring down the organisation and sacrifice so much for nothing!"

It was the first time she yelled so much, straight into his face. All of her words went straight through him like bullets. But they were all blurry and her voice eventually died down.

It was then he finally decided to look up, only to find the expression on her face similar to his.

"Ne, Edogawa-kun, do you know there's something called 'You're right in front of her, but you can't tell her you love her'?"

"Since when did you become so soft like a girl?" He smirked sarcastically. "And anyway, you're wrong about my situation."

He waved goodbye and walked back home, leaving the girl wondering alone.

 _It's more like, I'm right in front of her but I can't tell her._

 _I'm not allowed to tell her._

He stared longingly into the evening sky, the same shade of violet-ish blue her eyes are in.

There was a time, when he soared through the sky without worries.

 _It's about time, Ran, for you to find someone else to love you._

 _It's about time when you completely erase the name 'Kudo Shinichi' from your life._

He could almost see the stars coming out, decorating the sky with sparkles and glitter.

Sparkles, as in her whole-hearted laughter back in the days, when they never thought something like this would happen.

Something he cherishes so much that he'll do anything to hear again.

And this is his chance.

* * *

He never saw Akatsuki Kazuki again since their first meeting.

And also, Edogawa Conan cannot remember since when calling Akatsuki through Skype before her sleep had become one of Ran's habbits.

Sometimes, even when she's so late from work that she yawns in every word she speaks, she would still bring herself to phone that man just for a 'goodnight'.

He knew, she accepted him.

There are times he would sneak up behind her door and check on what she's doing, but only to find her staring into her computer with that tiny smile lingering around her lips.

The scene brings him back memories he thought that had already faded away. Unexpectedly, it didn't make him want to rage or cry his lungs out. Staying silent, was the only thing he did.

There was a time, when she too talked to someone every night, but that was Kudo Shinichi.

There was a time, when he talked to her on the phone at the back of her door, while listening to her voice being filled with energy, talking about almost everything that had happened.

There was a time, when he's small enough to not need to put much effort in hiding himself behind the door.

The idea of their happy memories stabbed him through his chest like a knife.

He wants to move on, but he doesn't want to forget.

 _The most painful of memories come from those which reminds others of the happy past._

 **Author's blabber: And so the game is on! For those who wonder about if the ending's still going to be ShinRan, I assure you of that, since Akatsuki's going away soon one way or another. :P Having a lot of ideas for this story right now, might consider updating once again soon.**


	12. Chapter 12

12\. Even though it was already for certain that they need to move on, but he didn't expect 'that' would be so soon

"You're moving out?" He froze for just a millisecond, anyone within half a metre radius around him could've felt that the air around him tensed up, "But why?"

The conversation was brought up when they were having dinner.

Ran sat down next to the table, "Well, it's going to get pretty busy over in the hospital, and just by coincidence, there's an apartment over there for rentals, so it'll be easier if I just move there for now."

 _Then, does that mean… I won't be able to see you as often?_

It was as if the thought had taken away all the flavours of the food he was eating.

He could see the old man in front of him eating his share of supper not-so-happily, which proves that the topic had been brought up before.

He was so used to have her at home whenever he came back from school, now that she's leaving, the detective agency felt so… lonely.

He _almost_ can't imagine living without her.

 _Wait a minute_ , the piece of fish he is chewing suddenly gave him a piece of its mind.

"But, if Ran nee-chan's not going to be here, who's going to make the meals?" He got to thank the piece of fish later, if it had not been digested in his stomach.

It was something alright, thanks to all these years of him living with Ran, his stomach is now pickier than ever.

And if Ran's not there to fix them something to eat… does that mean him, a man who's mentally twenty-three would have to go into the kitchen with ojii-san, by themselves?!

He's pretty sure he has better things to do than… that.

"Don't worry about that. I asked Azusa-chan from Poirot Café downstairs to make you breakfast and lunch, and oka-san would be here for dinner every day."

What?!

Still staying calm, after hearing words like 'oka-san' and 'every day' is not possible even for him.

Conan shot a glance Mouri Kogoro's way, only to find him stuffing his face with food with black lines down his forehead.

 _Looks like someone here already gave up._

 _Though he normally wouldn't put up with it without a fight._

He decided to continue eating, while worrying about, and thinking about excuses to go to Ran's for dinner in the future.

He might not be able to eat until late, but it's better than having a lot of unknown objects in his stomach.

"Have you already gotten everything ready for moving out, Ran nee-chan? When are you actually going to move out?"

No matter from which angle you look at this from, it's a fact that he wants her to stay for even just a bit longer.

"Ah. I already paid for the rent, so I guess I would be able to move out by the end of the week.

"So soon…" The words nothing more than murmurs, full of… everything.

For sure, he misses her. But now, he's not so sure about how to defy the meaning of "miss" anymore.

Maybe, it's her, missing out on his life in the future.

Or maybe, it's him, missing her presence.

"Then, Ran nee-chan, do you need any help moving?"

"Nah, it won't be a problem." Ran smiled sincerely, and waved off his offer, "Akatsuki is coming back this weekend, he said he'll do it."

She actually sounded like she's in love.

If he only thought that the food's not tasty anymore, now, he had officially lost his tasting buds.

 _Looks like, you already forgot about me, eh, Ran?_

 _I almost forgot, that right now, you're Akatsuki's girlfriend._

 _That right now, you don't belong to Kudo Shinichi, nor to Edogawa Conan, only to Akatsuki Kazuki._

It wasn't until that moment, Conan realised, he's slowly fading from her life. Bit by bit, he became an outsider by his own will.

An outsider, who has no rights to interfere with Ran's life.

"I'm full."

No doubt, she was surprised, "Eh?! But Conan-kun, you didn't eat that much today."

"I'm not that hungry today."  
He tried to not sound so down. Really, he doesn't have the right to.

 _Ran already did what she could've done ages ago, so, he has to too._

 **Author's blabber: Here I am again, updating on the last day of my school holidays instead of doing my homework, which is not due tomorrow by the way. Had a bit of coughing and runny noses going on lately, annoying as can be, it is now still not stopping and I might face the consequences of taking in medicine. By the way, the next chapter will involve some stuff about Sonoko, and there will be a warning to all SonokoxMakoto fans, beware! Anyways, hope you enjoyed it!**


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